Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
