sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
