just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
