Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
