I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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