I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
