You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
