It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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