I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
