what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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