At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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