i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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