hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
