i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
