Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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