Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
