Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
