i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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