We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
