During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
