I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
