You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
