I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
