thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
