She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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