why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
