If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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