Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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