high people should be assigned attendants
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
