I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize