last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
