4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
