I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
