The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
