you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
