Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
