You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
