i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green