There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you