I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on