Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby