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i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Randomize
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