I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
why does every cop we meet know your name?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
