What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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