my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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