4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
