Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
