Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
