i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
