MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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