I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
