Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
