And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
