Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
