I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
