i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize