just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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