Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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