I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
