and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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