I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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