I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
