Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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