Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
