I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
