I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
