Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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