well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
