the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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