Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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