I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
