You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
