I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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