There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
