They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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