with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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