You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
